Why do Kenyans say hakuna matata?

"No worries" is the attitude you need in Kenya, otherwise you would go crazy. Certainly, it is very difficult for Westerners to put up with the constant delays, red tape, queues and government bureaucracy (already mentioned in a previous post). Where we would get annoyed and frustrated, to their credit, Kenyans just take it in their stride. In fact, it seems to be important that you do not show frustration or annoyance in dealing with others.

It has taken me 3-4 days to be able to face thinking about this example incident, but here goes ...

On our second day in Nairobi we fronted at the Education Department building to OBTAIN A FORM. The form gives approval for a foreigner to teach in Kenya; we didn't expect to gain approval, just obtain the form. How long do you think it should take to obtain a form. Write down your guess now! At the gate we went through the metal detectors. Once at reception we filled out the visitors book and explained our request. The receptionist sent us to the director's office on the seventh floor. Ten minutes.

After entering the lift we noticed that, for some unknown reason, the seventh floor button didn't work. We left the lift at the sixth floor and walked up one flight. It didn't take long to find the director's office, but the secretary said he wasn't in and she didn't know when he would be back. She sent us to see the Assistant Director on the fifth floor. Twenty minutes.

There was no one in the room we were sent to, but someone in the corridor pointed us to a different room which was, in fact, the Assistant Director's room. We waited 5 minutes for an audience. The AD was supportive of our cause and was happy to tell us that approval from the education authority was no longer needed. A special instrumentality had been set up to administer teacher qualification and employment, called the TSE. We would have to go to the TSE for approval. It was in a different building. Fortunately we had a local pastor with us who was very aware of the approval procedure. He questioned the AD to the point where he agreed to "phone a friend" (a colleague actually) who worked in this area each day. After two attempts at calling, we were on our way to the Quality Assurance section on the fourth floor. Forty five minutes.

The QA guy was very welcoming. Not only was he also keen to gain western help in the education system but he was an ex geography teacher and came from the neighbouring region to Kamukuywe. He wasn't sure about the current policy. Out came the mobile phone and within 3 minutes the real expert had entered the room. The RE was also friendly and helpful (a trait, I am sure, of the Kenyan people). He was able to inform us that the authority process had not been taken over by the TSE and that we would indeed have to obtain approval from the Education Department. He outlined the simple process of obtaining a form and paying for it at the cashier. The form could be obtained on the seventh floor. One hour, 15 minutes.

Familiar with the seventh floor we took no time at all finding the room where forms were dispensed. After the normal greetings and hand shakes we explained our request. Yes, this was the correct place but you have to pay for the form before you can obtain it. You must pay 1000 shillings to the cashier on the ninth floor. Oh, and by the way, you cannot pay by cash or credit card. Hearing this, obviously, we had to ask what kind of payment was accepted. The only acceptable method of payment was bank cheque. One hour, thirty minutes.

Fortunately there was a bank only two blocks away, and blocks aren't very large in Nairobi. Our pastor friend Isaac volunteered to line up for us and obtain the bank cheque. There were about 25 people in front of him in the ONE available line.The bank guard didn't want us loitering around so we went outside to wait on the street.

AN ASIDE: while waiting on the street we heard the sound of cheering and whistle blowing about a block away. We had seen this before, it was a peaceful demonstration of vendors walking through the streets in protest over government price hikes on their licenses. Suddenly there was a loud bang accompanied by a visible pall of smoke ( perhaps a flare or a firework or some attention-grabbing explosion). The protestors weren't concerned but the average joe on the street didn't know what was happening so they started running in all directions. Within about 30 seconds there were about fifty extra people sheltering in the bank, including us. Banks, like all other large buildings in Nairobi , have armed guards. The demonstrators passed without incident and within 5 minutes things had gone back to normal.

Isaac finally reached the teller but he hadn't filled out the form that was available on the side counter. The teller sent him over to do it. I was mortified that he would have to line up again, but even Kenyans aren't that officious. Back to the teller who, after another three minutes sent Isaac to another window for the cheque to be drawn. Seven minutes later our cheque was in hand. Two hours and twenty five minutes.

On the downhill run, we returned to the Education building, by-passing reception and heading straight for room 225 on the ninth floor. As we approached we noticed that room 224 had a sign on it saying "cash receipts" so we waited our turn and stated our request. No, we were in the wrong room and did indeed need to go to room 225 - the one without a sign on the door. The data entry person understood our request and within 2-3 minutes had produced a receipt for our payment of 1000 shillings. So ... Why were we still waiting? Isaac enquired in Swahili and found out that the receipt must be authorised by his senior officer. She was not there, probably at lunch. We waited. Two hours and fifty five minutes.

Fifteen minutes later the SO appeared with mug in hand (yes, it must have been lunch). She now had a pile of forms to initial so she ushered us back to her office, questioned us politely about our mission and initialled the form. Thanking her we made our way down to the seventh floor. Presenting our receipt as if it was a winning lottery ticket we wondered if this last step could possibly be delayed somehow. Well yes, and no. Our latest friend was happy to provide the form, but instead of being retrieved from a cabinet, it had to be generated on a computer. After taking some details such as the name of the school and length of stay the form was finally ready. However, our friend seemed dismayed slightly. Each form is given a unique number, supposedly so that someone can't just pay for a form and then copy it many times for others - why should others miss all this fun. She had somehow printed the number upside-down on the top of the form. No worries, it would have to do. We made our way out of the building, strangely elated that we had survived the ordeal. Three hours and forty five minutes had elapsed.

I assure you there has been no embellishment of this story, although the times have been estimated. If anything, some of the finer details have been forgotten.

This then is the lot of the average Kenyan. Whether dealing with business or government the outcome is always the same; it takes lots of time and patience, and you still may not get very far. Hakuna matata!

P.S the form could not be submitted. It must be signed by the school (350 Kms away) and returned IN PERSON to the ED office in Nairobi!